The Retreat that Changed My Life

I recently went to a spiritual retreat meant to prepare you to be disciples for Christ. It was a life changing experience to say the least. Before I went, everyone was telling me how wonderful it was and that I would love it. I have to tell you, I was pretty nervous. I didn't know what to expect and I don't like that much. My sponsor, the beautiful angel that she is, had gone to great lengths to arrange for me to get there, she checked on my family while I was gone, she picked me up, and she has been an all around spiritual advisor and friend before during and after the retreat. The big slogan that everyone says before this thing was "don't anticipate".

When we arrived, it was at a dude ranch type of facility. It was clean and fairly new. When our sponsors finally left, I felt like crying...Mommy! don't leave!!!! I don't know these people!!!! Did I mention that even though most people that know me don't realize it, I have a little of a social anxiety disorder or you could say I am very uncomfortable in those types of situations. The weekend went well. It was a lot of listening to talks and interacting with others. We laughed and we cried. We woke up early and went to sleep late. The accomodations were freaking me out a little. I never went to camp as a child because that was for rich kids. LOL But we slept in a bunk house with about 20 bunk beds, 3 showers, 2 toilets, 2 sinks, and 2 electrical outlets. I was with about 20 women in this room and wouldn't you know it, I got beside a snorer. I couldn't sleep and I was slightly uncomfortable with the lack of privacy and downtime. There was very little downtime and no privacy. We weren't allowed to have phones, watches, or any electronic devices. I was kind of ready to get out of there. I kept wondering when the great part would happen.

I can honestly say that every day is better than the last and by the last day, it had some memorable and amazing moments. I had entered this retreat with several things weighing heavily on me. I had prayed to God that he would lead me and do with my life what he wanted and to make his will, mine. God does amazing and miraculous things and he was at work there. Even though we weren't allowed to discuss our profession until the end, I was placed next to a person that happened to specialize in an area that concerned me and she was a blessing to sit with me and answer tons of questions for me. What a blessing she was! Also I had a woman come over to me and say she felt she was supposed to share a parable with me and she did. It was a very profound answer to a question I didn't know I had, but it made sense. Lastly, on my ride home with my lovely sponsor whom I adore, she said she had a dream about me and I was wrestling with God and that I was injured just like Jacob and that I would be forever injured to remind me. Well I would have to say that sometimes God speaks in a whisper, but sometimes he hits you with a brick and that seemed like a pretty big brick to me. When I returned home, I must of seemed different and I know my husband was concerned. But I am so amazed at how the Lord works. I always have vivid dreams (more on that at another time), but my husband never remembers his. But about a week later, he asked me who all I spoke with while I was at the retreat. I asked why and he said he had a dream that kind of freaked him out. A faceless woman came to him and said that he needed to support me and be there for me. He wasn't sure what to make of it. All I can think is that my wonderful and loving God was taking care of me...unworthy me. This is why I think God's miracles are all around us. We just have to look for them.

After it all, I can say that I didn't actually love the retreat, but it did change my life. I guess a little retrospect is what I needed to realize that. I would recommend it to anyone. Yet, I would say the devil was at work when I returned home because about three days later as I was watching the evening news, I recognized one of the pastors that led the retreat. I was shook up. He had been arrested for child pornography and was under investigation for months. I couldn't believe some of the charges. Completely discusting!!!! I didn't actually interact with this pastor much because I asked him a question during the week and I didn't agree with him so I didn't feel we were on the same page. Also, I look back now and I feel that something about him didn't seem right. All I know is that I can't believe I spent a whole weekend in the presence of such a sick person. I know we all sin and I know that clergy is not above sin, but this was different. This was sick stuff. I'm definately not worthy to be clergy and even I can't imagine the things he did. He did plead guilty.

This could have shook my belief of what I had learned, but I realized that it didn't. I couldn't allow that. God is good and he is forever reminding me of that. I wake up everyday with complete and total gratitude for all that I have. I am not worthy of it, but I am thankful he has blessed me. I only hope that he can use me to bless others. That's my prayer anyway.

I'm feel like I'm overflowing with love. Gots ta share it!!! May you see what God has in store for you. Ask Him and He will tell you. Blessings!



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